Secret Sam-ta
by Invader Johnny
Summary: Sam and Cat have been together for a while now and it will be the girls first Christmas together, Sam wants to give Cat a present, the problem? she's broke, the solution? Get a job... As a Mall Santa! WUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Pucketine and mention of Jori.


_**Title: Secret Sam-ta.**_

_**Writer: Invader Johnny**_

_**Disclaimer: Sam and Cat belongs to Dan I own squat!**_

_**Plot: Sam and Cat have been together for a while now and it will be the girls first Christmas together, Sam wants to give Cat a present, the problem? she's broke, the solution? Get a job... As a Mall Santa! WUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Pucketine.**_

_**Author Notes: Ok this little one shot came to me over 2 years ago, and only NOW I'm getting off my lazy ass and to write and post this "masterpiece"**_

_**Truth be told, I originally conceived this story as a Trina/Cat fic but after Sam and Cat started I thought this would fit much better, too bad the series never got a Christmas special, unless you count "Yay-Day" as a parody of it.**__**  
><strong>_

_**I hope you enjoy, if I have the time I might do a Jori Christmas fic, big IF.**_

_**And finally, please read and review and if you can please give constructive criticism, I like getting those since it mostly helps in my writing For future fics.**_

* * *

><p><em>"Why in the name of sweet Canadian bacon am I doing this again?"<em>

"Say cheese!" The camera man said with fake enthusiasm, his smile gave a false sense of holiday cheer, however Sam could see he hated this job as much as her, his eyes gave him away.

The blond sighed. Quietly, of course. Otherwise, the screaming kid in her lap would probably start bawling even louder or, even worse, lose control of her tiny bladder.

And if that happened, well the end result would _not_ be a pretty one, of course there were pros and cons to that.

The main pro would be to not have to endure anymore wailing from these bratty kids that never seem to stop coming, the main con is that would result in the loss of her job and Sam didn't want that, she desperately needed the money.

_"Oh, right. I'm fucking broke_."

The one and only Sam Puckett was currently sitting the center of the Mall dressed as the fat guy known as Santa Claus just for the sole purpose of getting enough cash to buy her girlfriend Cat Valentine a decent present for Christmas, during these long hours she has come to hate children a bit more.

_"As if babysitting wasn't enough hell"_

In retrospect the teenage blond could have gotten a job that _didn't_ involve interaction with children but she assumed that playing Santa at the L.A. Mall was supposed to be an easy job, after all Sam was practically being paid to sit in her lazy butt for hours on end.

It seemed like her dream job, it was the closest thing to doing nothing and getting paid for it!

Unfortunately for her, Sam overestimated the situation, for starters, she had to _buy_ the damn Santa Suit to play the part, oh no, she _**couldn't**_ rent it or borrow one, she had to _buy_ the stupid thing, it was only a lame ass excuse for the company to make an easy buck.

To add insult to injury, Sam had wear a long white beard, that would have been ok if it weren't for the fact that it was a _very_ itchy beard and Sam had to stop herself from scratching it, otherwise it would seem quite "un-Christmasy", she was pretty sure she was getting a rash.

Needless to say that instead of children excitedly telling Santa their Christmas lists and smiling for a photo, most of the little monsters would either scream her eardrums out or kick her in the legs.

The worst part was, she couldn't lash out at them, she was playing good old Saint Nick after all, so she had to act happy and jolly the whole time or risk being fired.

It was the most degrading thing Sam had ever had to do, even more so than the time she had to work long gruelling hours at Chili My Bowl Years ago bck in Seattle.

_"If Santa was real I know what I ask for... dignity!"_

This was the sole reason why she lied to Cat whenever she went to do this job, the naive little Redhead still believed in Santa Claus, plus Sam was pretty sure that if she told her girlfriend what she was doing, it would crush that childlike wonder.

Fortunately, she was pretty decently disguised, so if there was the chance that Cat went to the mall she wouldn't be recognized.

She was also able to change her voice well enough to the stereotypical Santa voice, her curly blonde hair was hidden quite well under the Santa hat thanks to a hairnet and the pillow stuffed in the enormous red suit really made her belly shake like a bowl full of jelly.

So the only part of her face that was visible was her blue eyes, but to make her seem a bit more elderly, she wore a pair of glasses.

Sam was lucky enough to get this job, she guessed because she used to be on iCarly and the staff was happy to have her on the team as long as she didn't hurt them _or_ the kids.

She also guessed she was the first girl in the history of Mall Santas to play the part, that thought actually made the job a bit more horrible To be honest.

Her elf helper, Tim, managed to take the picture and get the screaming kid off her lap before she wet herself.

_"Thank god."_

"Next!"

"Hey Tim," Sam asked, forgetting her Santa voice for the moment, "how much longer do we have 'til closing time?"

"Well, _Santa_," Tim started, "it's about ten after twelve, so somewhere around five hours."

Sam mentally groaned. _"Son of a bitch!"_

This was going to be a long horrible day.

Just like the last two weeks.

* * *

><p>"Cat, I am <em><strong>not<strong>_ going to buy Tori an engagement ring for Christmas!" Jade snarled.

"Aww but it would be so cute!"

"I don't do cute!"

"I thought you loved Tori"

"You know damn well I love her Cat!" Jade snapped back "But I am not going to ask her to marry me _**now**_!"

"Why not?"

"Because we are still in high school!"

"Details... Details"

_**"Cat"**_ Jade said the redhead's name in a rather serious tone "If Sam asked you to marry her right now would you say yes?"

"Uh-Huh!" The younger said vigorously "Why you ask? Oh you think she's going to propose to me?!"

_**"NO!"**_

"Phooey!"

_"Why are we doing this again?"_

"Come on Jadey, you still have to help me find a present for Sam"

_"Oh, right."_

Normally Jade would lash out at her friend for calling her "Jadey" she really hated that nickname more than she hated Trina but she figured since its the holidays, she would let The redhead get away with calling her that.

Cat had purchased presents for everyone she knew ahead of tim, Christmas was her favorite time of the year and she loved getting her loved ones presents, from her Nona to Goomer and even Jade was getting a present, so her holiday shopping was nearly complete.

The only person she hadn't gotten anything for yet was Sam.

Yeah, she was her girlfriend and technically she should have been the first person she should have bought something for but she was rather difficult to buy for, Cat couldn't buy enough food to quench the blonde's never ending appetite and she could not wrap up sleep, so she kept procrastinating in finding her girlfriend a suitable present.

It was a task Cat needed help with, so she ended up asking help from the second scariest girl she knew... Jade, mainly because she was the only person she knew of who had a similar mentality to Sam's.

She wanted this gift to be perfect.

_"It has to be better than food and sleep combined" _Cat thought to herself. "_No, it just needs to be meaningful and say exactly what I want it to say_."

The inner thoughts if the petite redhead died out the moment she saw something or rather someone, Cat's face lighted up like a Christmas tree.

She was gazing entrancedly at Santa. "Ooh, Jade! Look! It's _**SANTA**_!"

The Goth raised an eyebrow as she fought to release an annoyed groan "Cat get a grip. That's just someone they hired to play Santa, he's not the real deal."

The younger girl gasped horrified at what she heard, "Why would anyone do that?, don't they know Santa doesn't like impostors?!"

Jade had the urge to slap her forehead in frustration but stopped herself from doing so simply because she didn't have it in her to take away her friend's childish belief in the red fat guy so she simply told her what she said every year in a monotone voice, like it was a lie that was already stuck in her head and waiting to come out again.

"Cat, Santa's a busy man" Jade said bored "He needs help so he can know what to give little boys and girls for Christmas"

"Really?"

"Really"

Satisfied at the cracked up explanation, Cat had an idea and pointed towards Santa. "Let's get in line!"

Jade looked at her as though she'd just sprouted another head and a few tentacles. **_"What?"_**

"You heard me. Let's sit on Santa's lap."

"Ok, that's not happening Cat!"

"Aww... Why not?"

"Because we're eighteen years old!" Jade snapped out "We are too old for that!"

"Your never too old to go and talk to Santa!" The redhead grabbed her by the arm and led her to the line. "Come on, Jade, it'll be fun!"

Jade groaned, it was times like these that made her question her friendship with Cat.

"No!"

"I bet Tori would love it" Cat said somewhat coyly.

Jade narrowed her eyes "So you want me to sit in Santa's lap and then have proof that I did so?! You have got to be kidding me!"

"Nope" Cat said "Come on Jadey get into the Christmas spirit!"

"The Christmas spirit sucks"

"Please don't say bad words"

"Ugh, if it will make you shut up, _**fine**_... This has to be better than buying her the Frozen soundtrack"

"Ohh Let it go..."

_**"NO!"**_

* * *

><p>Several hours later Sam had to bit back another groan of utter frustration.<p>

_"Was I high when I was babysitting with Cat?"_ She thought angrily_ "I mean are all little kids this infuriating? If so, I might have to seriously reconsider motherhood."_

Her blue eyes scanned the line of kids._ "Damn it, __This pretty much kills any ideas I had for a break, doesn't it?_ The line was so long that it wound around the Santa area four or five times.

She saw a couple of older looking kids as well.

_"Those kids need some serious help"_

As Sam kept scanning the long line her eyes eventually caught two very familiar-looking figures near the middle of the line.

Her face turned pale white, this could not be happening!

"Cat? Jade? _What in the hell are they doing here? Oh, god, they found out! I don't know how, but they must have found out somehow! I'll be made fun of for the rest of my life!"_

"Hi Santa!" the redhead said with a enthusiastic wave"

_"Or maybe not"_

Despite the fact that Cat made it very clear that she didn't recognise her in the Santa costume Sam was still rather nervous, since Jade could still be able recognise her once she sat on her lap, in fact she was so nervous that she could barely talk as the next few kids came and went, one of the few calm children, ranted on about how he wanted peace on earth or some crap like that, Sam wasn't even listening At this poing.

All she could think about was the possible impending doom that could happen as soon. As this kid left her lap.

Jade and Cat were up next.

"I'll go first" Jade said firmly "The sooner I get this nightmare over with the better!"

"have fun Jadey"

Jade felt like giving Cat the finger right now but there was the very good chance thst in doing so would get her in trouble, after all several parents were with their children and the last thing she wanted was to get kicked out of the mall.

Jade sat not too happily on Sam's lap.

"Ho ho ho" Sam said somewhat shakily "And what do you want for Christmas young lady?"

Jade glared at her disguised friend "What I want is to stab you with my scissors but since at can't do that without ending in prison and far away from my girlfriend then I'll settle for a picture of you and I to show my Tori"

"Then I suggest you smile for the camera" Sam said darkly "Or has your souls been taken by some parasite that makes it impossible for you to do so?"

Jade blinked not expecting the snarky reply from the person she thought was a man "Seeing as you probably suffered enough by sitting here listening to ungrateful little brats I'll let you live, this job is punishment enough"

Before Sam could say anything else, Tim said "Smile for the camera!"

Jade did her the best to give an honest smile, only doing so because deep down she really wanted to give Tori decent photo as a present.

_"If she doesn't like it I'll kill Cat for convincing me to do this"_

As soon as the photo was taken, Jade got up from Sam's lap as if it was on fire.

"Later Santa"

_"that was close"_

Sam had survived Jade but she still had to survive Cat and even though she was certain her girlfriend wouldn't recognise her, it still was going to be a problem, at least until she realised she could use this position to her advantage, Sam had no idea what to get Cat for Christmas and now here she was about to tell her what she wanted for the holidays

It was the first time Sam actually thanked whoever was up there for getting this job.

Cat walked up nervously. She'd never done this before, she was about to _meet_ Santa Claus and even thought Jade told her it wasn't the real Saint Nick, Cat felt otherwise and wanted to make a good impression on her childhood idol.

"Um, hi Santa" She gingerly placed herself on Sam's right leg, her legs dangling a bit.

Sam Ho-Ho-Hoed nervously. "Why, hello there, little girl!" She couldn't believe he was playing Santa with her girlfriend, this was so weird..."And would you like for Christmas this year?"

Cat looked in Sam's eyes. Her icy blue eyes gave her a sort of comfort, she only knew of one person who could do that and it gave her a smile.

"Your eyes remind me of someone, Santa"

_"Oh shit" _Sam thought, mentally she was freaking out but outwardly she calmly asked "Oh really now?"

Cat nodded vigorously "Yeah... My girlfriend Sam"

"Is she special to you?"

"She is...uh, Santa, very much...I'm sorry I know you probably expect me to tell you what I want for Christmas but what I'm hoping for its not exactly something for me."

Sam's eyebrow shot up. _What was she talking about?_ "What do you mean, it's not for you?" She asked in her fake Santa voice.

"Well Santa..." For some reason she was blushing. "I'd like to know what I should get for my girlfriend. I've been looking everywhere for a gift meaningful enough to give her but I'm kind of stuck. Think you can help?" Cat finished with a rather sheepish grin. "I just want to make her smile on Christmas morning"

Sam's eyebrows now succeeded in disappearing into her cap. _She's agonizing over a gift for me? She's sitting on Santa's lap for ME?_ Needless to say, Sam was perplexed, she figured Cat would have bought her something already.

She was just proven wrong.

"Uh..." What could she say to that? In the old days the blond headed demon would have done this the easy way and screw the consequences but she had. Stuffed now and the prospept of her saying "Well, yeah, sure I can tell you what he wants! I'm not Santa! I'm Sam Puckett! Surprise!' It would end badly on so many levels, first of all she would be fired, kicked out, and mocked mercilessly for the rest of her life by Jade and on top of that it would crush Cat's Christmas spirit and it would most likely lead to their break up.

Sam was not about to take that road.

Suddenly, she was struck with inspiration. "I'll tell you what, little girl. How's about I give you a hint as to what your girlfriend could want and then you tell me what _**YOU**_ want for Christmas?"

due to the fact that Sam was broke she hadn't done her own Christmas shopping yet and figured that this was as good a way as any to figure out what she should get Cat.

She wanted to give the naive redhead something special even before she came to "Santa" for advice.

Cat paused for a moment, "How could you know what Sam would want for Christmas?"

"Ho ho ho little girl I'm Santa Claus I know what everyone wants"

A smile appeared on the younger teen's face "I _knew_ you were real Santa...Deal. You first."

Sam thought. _"What do I want for Christmas?"_

"Well, this Sam would want something she could play with"

Cat frowned "Like a toy?"

"No... Not like a toy" Sam replied "Something small and furry"

Cat's eyes widened in understanding "Like a dog?"

"Try a Cat"

The petite redhead smiled but then frowned "I'm not sure... She might try to eat it"

"has she ever tried to eat a Cat before little girl?" Sam asked rather annoyed.

"No... But it could be the first time"

"Just get her the Cat!" Sam said "I'm sure your girlfriend will love it!"

"Thanks Santa!" The redhead as she gave her disguised girlfriend a hug.

"Your welcome little girl" Sam said with a blush, she has never wanted to kiss Cat so badly but due to her keeping her identity a secret she could not do so.

As soon as the photo was taken, Cat left hurridly to get Sam a pet.

The blond then remembered something_ "Wait... Cat never told me what she wanted damn it!"_

* * *

><p>As soon as Sam got her break she got up from her chair and went to the back of the office so she could get out of the costume and into some comfortable clothes for the hour, she was exhausted and she still had. A few more hours to go.<p>

"Santa you fat judgemental bastard you make this job look easy"

As soon as Sam was in the back of the office she took off her hat and beard, she also took off the hairnet and started to scratch her face "Oh _yeah_... this feels _**great**_, about damn time I could get some sweet relief!, I felt like I had several ants running all over the place"

"Sam?"

The blond froze right then and there_ "Oh no!"_

She knew that voice.

Slowly but surely Sam turned around to meet the shocked face of her girlfriend.

"Cat .. what... What are you doing here?"

"I was following Santa to thank him for the idea for your present" Cat said, the hurt in her voice was unmistakable "Sam... How could you?"

"Cat... I...I... I can explain" The blond said, her hands shaking "This is not what it looks like!"

"Don't lie to me Sam!" Cat yelled out outraged "This is _exactly_ what it looks like!"

_"I'm so screwed" _Sam thought bitterly_ "I just killed Cat's Christmas wonder"_

Before she could say anything, her girlfriend spoke in a devastated tone of voice.

"How could you not tell me you were the _**real**_ Santa Claus?!"

Of all the things, Cat could be angry about, this was something Sam didn't see coming.

"I'm sorry... _What?"_

"Your Santa Claus!" Cat yelled out "Oh my god I'm dating Santa Claus!"

"Cat...CAT! Will your calm down?" Sam hissed "This is now what it looks like you are not..."

The puppy dog eyes Cat was giving her stopped Sam in her tracks.

_"Damn it"_

"Yes Cat you caugh me I'm Santa Claus" Sam lied smoothly, she just didn't have it in her to tell her Santa wasn't real.

**_"I KNEW IT!"_**

"Shhhh!"

_"I knew it" _Cat whispered.

"Ugh... Cat you have to promise me you that won't tell anyone this!"

"I promise!"

The redhead got her phone out.

"And you can't tweet about it!"

Cat puts the phone back on her purse.

"That's better"

Cat kissed Sam right then, it wasn't long until she returned the kiss.

after several minutes they parted lips, both girls giving the other a loving smile.

"Does this mean you aren't mad at me?"

"I'm only dissapointed you kept this from me"

"But..?

"But what?"

"Nevermind"

Cat seductedly smiled at the girl in her arms "Just wait until you get home Sam-ta heheheheh you see what I did there?"

Sam rolled her eyes at the bad joke but still had the decency to give her girlfriend a small smile.

"I did"

Cat gave Sam one final peck on the cheek, "Later tonight I'lL tear that suit off... All of it" She said somewhat innocently before leaving The office, her hips moving smoothly.

Sam blinked a few times "What just happened?"

Then she gave up trying to figure out when one thought came to mind.

_"Santa's getting laid tonight!" _She thought while she gave a small victory dance.

Sam stopped dancing when yet another thought came to mind _"Ah crap I still don't know what to get Cat for Christmas!"_

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Sorry for the ending, it seemed kinda lame but I just thought it would be humorous that Sam won and lost at the same time.<span>_**

**_This idea has been bugging me for two years now, so it feels great that I finally took some time and wrote it down._**

**_Now to point things out, idea of Cat thinking Santa is real is obviously due to the fact that she is a little kid trapped in a teenager's body but I thought it would be amusing if she ended up thinking that Sam was Santa due to a misunderstanding. what do you guys think?_**

**_The part with Jade taking a picture with Santa was inspired by the scene of Sheldon Cooper taking a photo with Santa to punish Amy, heh._**

**_The part where Cat was about to sing "Let It Go" was inspired by the fact that many parents and teachers alike likely got annoyed at hearing the song over and over again in the past year, heh._**

**_Finally, the idea of Sam wanting a Cat for Christmas came from the fact that I'm guessing Frothy died at some point between iCarly and Sam and Cat and our favorite blond would want a kitty for the holidays._**

**_Anyways I want to wish all my readers and FFN writers a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays._**

**_Or as we say in Mexico "Feliz Navidad y Felices Fiestas"_**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


End file.
